Ten Things I Learned From Pop Music in 2012

My family spends lots of time on the road driving to/from schools, therapies, crazyland (see Tales From the Minivan). We listen to hand-picked CDs, yes, but the kids also really like current, pop music. We treat ourselves to commercial-free, satellite radio, and we definitely get our money's worth.

The thing is, however, while my daughter and I pretty much just dig the tunes and belt out (with varying degrees of accuracy and success) whatever words we think we hear, my analytic son - so I've learned - listens and thinks about the ACTUAL LYRICS. And, naturally, he has follow-up questions. Many of them.

As a result, I've taken "Last Friday Night" out of the mix for good. As another result (and courtesy of an awesome writing prompt from Stasha and company) you get this list. Happy Monday!

10 THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM POP MUSIC IN 2012:

1. Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) is a super-fun song...but much less fun once you have to explain the lyrics to an 11-year-old: "menage a trois? Hmm, I think she's saying a bunch to draw or I munched crudite ... OH LOOK, Gangnam Style is on. Let's turn it up now."

2. Songs are much better when no one can understand a word. All hail Gangnam Style.

3. We're sad to hear about Kelly Clarkson's divorce. You know, because "the bed feels warmer, sleeping here alone." Her husband is no longer sleeping at home. Obviously. Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You).

4. Flippant songs can be exhausting. Who knew that We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together would require hours of follow-up discussion?

• Why someone would write such a mean song
• Breakups in general and why they might not be friendly
• Well, if they weren't married, why would she not understand if he was seeing other people. Isn't that the definition of dating?
• Why would you date exclusively but not get married?
• Well, then why would he want to get back together?
• You're right, "no" does mean "no," but...
• And so on...

5. Girls can be so silly. Just pick up the phone and call him already. Or text him. Or move on. Sheesh! (See Call Me Maybe and Brokenhearted).

6. Adam Levine doesn't sound very reliable. Glad he didn't say "stick a needle in my eye too"...because if he's already said it a million times, he's broken lots of promises and lost credibility. Just saying. (See One More Night.)

7. Still, Maroon 5 does serve an educational purpose. They taught my children two "new" words: Payphone and Jagger.

8. Nicki Minaj sings a very cool song about aliens: Starships. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  (Please please please don't Google the lyrics!)

9. Against all odds, I've gained an appreciation for the grating tracks of Kidz Bop despite (and exactly because of) lyrics like "I love to dance next to you baby" which curiously replace lyrics like "I love to make love to you baby." (See Dance Again).

10. Finally, sure We Are Young, but we're definitely OVER 21... because, you know, all that drinking and falling down and stuff.

Tales from the Minivan

I drive my kids around in a minivan. A lot. Their schools are more than 25 miles apart in a traffic-heavy city, and neither is close to home. (I am a huge fan of the Gas Buddy app!)

Along these treks, we listen to music, talk, yell, read, complain and laugh. I've learned a lot from my mini-passengers. So I thought I'd share some of the lessons my kids have taught me on the road.

Hope these tips are helpful to someone out there. If you and your kids have additional travel tips to offer, please add them. I need all the help I can get!

• There IS a better seat. It's the one already occupied by your sibling.
• Sign language doesn't work so well while driving.
• Crumbs always make a good snack. And if there's a cup in a cup holder with liquid still in it, it's fair game. 
• Anything you've placed carefully on the seat to look at later will be all over the van by the time you get home. Many important papers will never again be seen in one piece - especially if a deadline's involved.
• Songs MUST be played through to the end or the day will be ruined. The exception is songs in which you only like the opening beats. For those: Play. Restart. Play. Restart. Play. Restart (repeat 100 times).
• Navis make excellent toys. They also serve as wonderful tools for nonverbal children to know where they are or are NOT going...providing additional opportunities for screaming, protests and tantrums.
• Child locks work ONLY if the child is not able to open them. If the child has autism, he or she eventually WILL learn to open them.
• Music - no matter how loud - will never be loud enough to drown out a screaming banshee.
• Car windows can withstand much more heavy banging than one would think.
• If something's worth the effort of saying out loud, it's a good idea to repeat it every 2 seconds until you get what you want. Patience? Waiting? Huh?
• It doesn't matter if she's driving on the highway, balancing a cell phone and/or a large Diet Coke, or begging a screaming child to keep her seat belt on...If something needs to be thrown away, just say 'here" and wait for Mom's hand to magically extend.
• Exiting the van is an act of precision, requiring careful planning, balance and warning. The timing will never be quite right for either child. 

***For tips on maintaining a chic, professional appearance on the road, see Red Light Makeover.

***To see what this family looks like when we exit the minivan, see It's My Blog. I Can Cry If I Want To.