Wordless Wednesday: Lockdown

She is a stealthy, speedy scavenger, famous for her "snatch and go" move. Refrigerator locks? Child's play.
This improvised lock slows her down just enough for me to catch up and command a teachable moment. So many educational opportunities:

1. Using language
2. Communicating requests and feelings
3. Counting how many cups of juice we've already had
4. Telling time; sequencing that lunch comes AFTER breakfast
5. Flexibility and handling disappointment

It's always fun to pretend that I'm in charge. 

Liebster Love: Let Me Call You Sweetheart (In German)

You know how the movie industry likes to award itself lots of trophies and then create parties, TV specials and weeks of media coverage about it? The Liebsters are kind of the same, except without trophies, TV specials and media coverage because the winners must have under 200 subscribers...so nobody really cares except ourselves. Oh, and we're bloggers - not famous, glamorous, highly paid superstars with designer gowns.

That said, if I only had two readers - I'd want them to be you, and the brilliant blogster, Linda, of Autism and Oughtisms. Receiving this recognition from Linda must feel exactly like receiving an Academy Award (without the SWAG). I'm just guessing though.
So, let's review the rules and make sure I do this right. Would hate to have my Liebster retracted.

RULES

1) You must thank the person who gave you this award (Autism and Oughtisms, yo!)
2) You must display the Liebster heart on your blog. PROUDLY.
3) You should nominate 3 to 5 up-and-coming blogs (some rule variations say 11) with fewer than 200 subscribers. Just to be safe, I'm doing 11! That's right, 11.
4) Each person must post 11 things about themselves. Riiight. See section below.
5) Answer the questions given to you by the blogger who nominated you. Got it.
6) Create 11 questions for those you nominate to answer. Fun! Scroll way down.
7) Notify your nominees and provide a link back to your post (no tag backs because the point is to try and highlight new bloggers and spread the support). Sure, check my list at the end of this post, AND on my Facebook page and my Twitter stream (see what I did there?).

11 THINGS ABOUT ME

1. Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck. Some nights I call it a draw. Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle. Some nights I wish they'd just fall off.
2. I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a child. I'm a mother. I'm a sinner. I'm a saint. And I do not feel ashamed. I'm your hell. I'm your dream. I'm nothing in between. You know you wouldn't want it any other way.
3. I'm not aware of too many things. I know what I know if you know what I mean.
4. I'm sane, but I'm overwhelmed. I'm lost but I'm hopeful. What it all comes down to is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine.
5. I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way.
6. I'm a little bit country. I'm a little bit rock n roll.
7. I want to scream. And shout. And let it all out.
8. I sing the body electric. I celebrate the me yet to come.
9. I'm through accepting limits, 'cause someone says they're so. Some things I cannot change, but 'til I try I'll never know. 
10. I believe the children are the future.
11. I like to eat apples and bananas.

Um, I might have plagiarized a little there. Sorry about that, but why would you think I wanted to talk about myself, anyway? Sheesh.

QUESTIONS Asked By Autism and Oughtisms (and I'm leaving her kiwi spelling in because it's just so adorable):

1. Why did you start blogging? I've been a writer since I was seven years old (I'm sure my journal entries were compelling)...writing is cathartic. I don't have time to write a book, so blogging is the perfect venue for now. Through my blog, I can explore, learn, connect, commiserate and celebrate. I can barely draw a stick figure nor do I build things; writing is my outlet.
2. What’s your favourite piece of art? My pillow.
3. What’s your favourite scent? My pillow.
4. Who inspires you? My children, my husband, my parents, my siblings, you...and these people:
5. Name one major event that shaped who you are today. Skip. (Don't I get a skip? Fine, see any blog post.)
6. What one super-power would you choose and why? This one's easy. I want to be able to pause time, like that guy in Heroes. So many possibilities. I'd nap. Shower. Never be late to anything (just stop everyone else and weave through traffic). KILL at Scramble with Friends. Fit in all the kids' therapies. (Or check out this extensive list of My Superpowers.)
7. What pets do you have? An old, lazy dog. 
8. What’s your favourite plant? I can't really embrace plants; I already have enough creatures in my house to keep alive. Can I pick a tree? Weeping Willows. It just feels like they are full of stories, and they are so peaceful to watch swaying in the breeze.
9. What event in nature takes your breath away? I could stare at the ocean for hours.
10. What was your favourite subject at school? Literature, of course. In college, it was my Reporting class. It was required for my major, but also legendary for dropping GPAs. Sometimes, NOBODY in the entire course got an A. Oh, how I loved that A...and that class. It combined all the things that drive me: writing, learning about people and things, deadlines, storytelling and exploring issues from all angles.
11. What countries have you visited? Not enough. Tried to go to Holland once (bad autism joke...but I think I really would love to go to Holland someday.)

MY QUESTIONS for my award recipients...and may I suggest you take your assignment more seriously than I did:

1. Which of your own blog posts is your absolute favorite? Explain why and link please.

2. What song makes you perk up every time you hear it? 

3. What book are you reading now (or what's the last book you can remember reading)?

4. List three words that describe your life.

5. What's your favorite app?

6. What keeps you up at night?

7. What was your first job?

8. What's for dinner?

9. What would you love to learn if you had the time?

10. Which holiday do you love the most?

11. Are you sorry I tagged you?

PASS IT ON
SURPRISE!  There are so many amazing bloggers out there, so I've gone with the rule of 11. (Autism and Oughtisms also listed some of my besties, so check them out!)

I now bestow the Liebster Award to these blogs because: I love reading them and you will too; I believe they haven't been tagged recently; and I think they fit the criteria of under 200 subscribers (although they each deserve way more). If I'm wrong, sorry and congrats on your success!

• Living on the Spectrum: The Connor Chronicles
• Mostly True Stuff
• My So-Called High Functioning Life
• Military Special Needs Network
• Going Insane, Wanna Come
• The Third Glance
• Fractured Family Tales
• Mindful Meerkats
• Painting With Picasso
• Fasten Her Seatbelt
• Blowing Kisses and Making Wishes
• Punky Mama

Oops. Actually, I think that's 12, but I'm not bothering to recount. Or choose. So you get a bonus blog...you're welcome!
There. Nailed it! Next award, please. 

A Broken Keurig, Instant Grits & Other Travesties: A Morality Tale

At its heart, autism is a communications disorder. The DSM-IV checklist lists "qualitative impairments in communication" as a diagnostic criterion. 

My daughter? Check. Plus.

She also has - by anyone's diagnostic standards - a voracious appetite. I wouldn't call her a "picky eater" (tree bark, anyone?), but she can be fickle and demanding at times. Girlfriend knows what she wants.

So, chasing her into the kitchen yesterday, I found her ripping open a package of instant grits. (I didn't even know we had that!) Ever self-sufficient, she proceeded to dump it into a disposable, hot cup and pivoted around to, apparently, run hot water through the Keurig to complete her snack.

I know it sounds like she's an independent, little chef, but we do not allow her to operate anything in the kitchen alone. We know better. So does she!

What she didn't know was that our beloved Keurig didn't work anymore (boo hoo!), and I had removed it to try and return it. 

I wish I could have captured the look on her face. The Keurig might possibly be the most important, frequented appliance in the house. Poof! It was gone!

What would your 8-year-old do? I imagine, at this point, many would call for Mom (I was standing three feet away), ask where the machine went, demand help.

I watched with curiosity. Ever resourceful and independent, my daughter simply turned to the refrigerator and  filled the cup with water from the dispenser.

Of course, now her grits are ice cold (as well as completely over-saturated, but that's besides the point). 

Now, does she ask for help? Uh uh. Oh, she's very frustrated, yelling a little, but she just decides to move on to the microwave - where our story must end with an angry intervention. No, my autistic 8-year-old is not allowed to use the microwave.

The whole incident reminded me of my years-ago Floortime training...learning to create a "circle of communication," a reciprocal, back-and-forth interaction. 

Nope, not a single circle of communication going on here, but there were numerous opportunities to create them.

One Floortime strategy is to engage a hard-to-reach child using a "playful obstruction." Do something that will get their attention! Wear an unexpected, silly hat. Join the child while they are lining up cars, and then make the cars crash. Any resulting eye contact, interaction or response to the action counts toward your Circle.

No hot water? No coffee? You certainly have my attention! 

Yet, communicating with me to help her solve her problem didn't even occur to her. 

While she's come a long way, communication always will be hard for her. She's severely apraxic, so the actual act of speaking clearly is a huge obstacle for her. Sign language and augmentative communication devices like her iPad offer wonderful alternatives, and I am grateful every day for them. However, they only work when a person is motivated and interested in communicating. 

Wouldn't you agree that communicating and interacting with me to solve her devastating, instant-grits problem was the most likely, obvious and best course of action? 

Unfortunately, for her, it also was the hardest. 

Collateral Damage

When you see my daughter, I am rarely far behind.

I remain Mommy on the Run, following her unpredictable lead and trying to channel her enthusiastic energy safely and "appropriately." For example, while I respect and support her interest in teeth, I cannot allow her to put her hands in others' mouths. That's a social confine that - no matter how "neuro-diverse friendly" you are - simply will not bend. ***

I've noticed a shift, however. A pattern that - in my completely non-expert opinion - signals marked improvement in her understanding and engagement in our world.

In the past, an hour with my sweet, Tasmanian Devil might result in random acts of destruction aimed at furniture, kitchens, walls, cars and so on. Turn your head for a second, and you might be fishing her or her iPad out of the toilet. Theorists advise that every action really is a form of communication - especially since she's largely nonverbal - but translating some of these doozies was nearly impossible...except to acknowledge that she was frustrated (and so was I).

With appreciation for Sunday Stilwell
http://www.autismwashere.com

Moreover, I will not discount my daughter's proclivity for mischief. Even without the big A, she no doubt would be a charming rule-breaker. So, as you can imagine, my extreme-helicoptering was required simply to keep the house in one piece. 

Lately, while things are still getting broken and such, I can see some clear rationale to her actions. It's no longer me muttering to myself that she must be bored, frustrated or sensory-deprived.

See, we've loosened the metaphorical leash - just a bit. We recognize that she knows more than ever when she's doing something inappropriate. She'll probably still do it, but I have fair warning since she'll give me that sneaky smile before dashing off. So her actions are closer to the the "all kids do that" behaviors you might read about in "What to Expect" articles. So most days, while she requires infinitely more supervision and direction than your "average" eight year old, she's able to at least spend a few minutes independently - in the bathroom, reading something, watching something, or YouTubing (as long as I listen closely for sounds of bloody surgical segments, that usually are accompanied by her giggles and a gleeful, "ewwww").

Recently, during a moment of freedom, she raced upstairs and grabbed her father's electric razor. It occurred to me afterwards that we were talking about shaving (probably me wondering when I last shaved my legs). Another time, we instructed our son to go brush his teeth, and I soon found her in the bathroom, squeezing a tube of toothpaste all over my toothbrush.

My laptop's monitor is shattered because of her interest in using MY computer, rather than her very own iPad.

Here's a good one. She drew on our inside window curtains recently, something that might elicit shock from some parents (clearly not autism families). But that's not even the significant part. What's interesting is that it was not a childish drawing. She'd outlined her desired plans for the day in a simple list form ("doctor" included), much like on a whiteboard.

Then this happened. I've been spending a lot of time at the eye doctor lately...my aging eyes are rejecting my beloved gas-permeable lenses of 30 years and I'm trying to switch over to soft. "Putting my contacts in" has become a process instead of the usual pop in/pop out. Yesterday, when I went to put them in, I found one missing and one dried out from exposure. I'm not sure whether she was attempting to clean them, wear them, or "help" me, but I suspect it was soon after a mention of said lenses.

This new pattern of damage is of a different variety than her earlier destruction. She's listening! She's engaged! She's trying to be helpful! She's imitating mommy and daddy! 

Now I might have mentioned before that one of the best things ever taught to my daughter was mimicry (see Do Children With Autism Lack an Ability to Imitate?). I am not trying to make her into a robot; she simply must learn how to learn. It's critical that she knows how to copy vocal sounds (PROMPT has been so helpful), gestures (to nod yes or no), and actions (brushing teeth). There's a lot of research out there about mimicry as a communication foundation. 

So my epiphany here is that while I'm still Mommy on the Run (or Mommy with the Hoarse Voice from yelling and repeating myself), the destruction is different these days...encouraging even. She's interacting with our world...in the now! She's communicating by participating.

The is the kind of damage I completely welcome from her. The frustration, inconvenience, cost and toll of my daughter's destructive activities can be attributed to collateral damage: an unwanted but necessary byproduct of a greater strategy.

***Footnote:  Instead, of touching strangers' teeth, she spends hours on her iPad watching and playing dentistry and medical-related media. We "wave" at every dentist and orthodontist office that we pass. She loves to play on http://mydoctorgames.com. Hey, it's better than her phlebotomy phase, for sure!