You're Going To Love Me For This

I blog for all the right reasons (whatever those are)....usually. Today, however, I blog as a freebie whore.

Any blogger worth her salt gets weird stuff in her emailbox occasionally, including suggestions to "review" or write about some completely irrelevant product.

You see, companies - big and small - recognize the power, reach and influence of the social media platform...and presume "mommy bloggers" are frothing at the mouth to talk about how completely awesome that new laundry detergent is...and all you have to do is send her said laundry detergent for free (or even - wow - a half-price coupon for it). In turn, she presents her readership to them on a plate.

Now, some people apparently make big money doing this, and I salute them. In other news, I have yet to meet "some people."

But you know what? Today, I don't even care. Today, I get to reap the benefits of this blog with a product much more exciting than laundry detergent. I shamelessly CAMPAIGNED for this freebie because I wanted it so badly. And, dear readers, not only did Sensory Goods willingly agree to help me "sell out," but they upped the ante and offered to give one of you an amazing freebie too.

Behold! I give you a custom weighted blanket. These babies are not cheap. I've been wanting to try one on the kids for years, but never wanted to cough up the money on something that could be a big bust. (And make it myself? That's funny. Have we met?) Also, I was overwhelmed. What weight? What size? What color? Where's my coffee?

Sensory Goods gets us....they're one of us. This company, founded by a family with two children on the autism spectrum, has a mission to "meet autistic and sensory integration needs while meeting the financial need of those caring for people affected by these developmental disorders." Let's say it together: Aw. 

Party On, Dudes (And Be Excellent To Each Other)

There are some things IRL friends just don't understand. Generally, if you're not a blogger, online parties make absolutely no sense. Amiright?

And if I'm being honest - which OF COURSE I always am - they still confuse me a little bit too.

That said, I participated in the ULTIMATE (say it loudly with jazz hands, please) Blog Party in 2012 and discovered some fantastic blogs and new friends. Even better, I can stay safe and sound in my "special needs" category - my peeps - and not be intimidated by the likes of those beauty and style bloggers.

So, here we are again. I'm supposed to write a post telling you all about who I am and my little corner of the Internet. Instead, using my trademark methods of cheating  laziness my-child-is-screaming-in-my-ear-for-eleven-chicken-nuggets efficiency, I will share with you some posts that give the ugly, hairy, ridiculous picture of what you'll find here.

Liebster Love: Let Me Call You Sweetheart (In German)

You know how the movie industry likes to award itself lots of trophies and then create parties, TV specials and weeks of media coverage about it? The Liebsters are kind of the same, except without trophies, TV specials and media coverage because the winners must have under 200 subscribers...so nobody really cares except ourselves. Oh, and we're bloggers - not famous, glamorous, highly paid superstars with designer gowns.

That said, if I only had two readers - I'd want them to be you, and the brilliant blogster, Linda, of Autism and Oughtisms. Receiving this recognition from Linda must feel exactly like receiving an Academy Award (without the SWAG). I'm just guessing though.
So, let's review the rules and make sure I do this right. Would hate to have my Liebster retracted.

RULES

1) You must thank the person who gave you this award (Autism and Oughtisms, yo!)
2) You must display the Liebster heart on your blog. PROUDLY.
3) You should nominate 3 to 5 up-and-coming blogs (some rule variations say 11) with fewer than 200 subscribers. Just to be safe, I'm doing 11! That's right, 11.
4) Each person must post 11 things about themselves. Riiight. See section below.
5) Answer the questions given to you by the blogger who nominated you. Got it.
6) Create 11 questions for those you nominate to answer. Fun! Scroll way down.
7) Notify your nominees and provide a link back to your post (no tag backs because the point is to try and highlight new bloggers and spread the support). Sure, check my list at the end of this post, AND on my Facebook page and my Twitter stream (see what I did there?).

11 THINGS ABOUT ME

1. Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck. Some nights I call it a draw. Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle. Some nights I wish they'd just fall off.
2. I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a child. I'm a mother. I'm a sinner. I'm a saint. And I do not feel ashamed. I'm your hell. I'm your dream. I'm nothing in between. You know you wouldn't want it any other way.
3. I'm not aware of too many things. I know what I know if you know what I mean.
4. I'm sane, but I'm overwhelmed. I'm lost but I'm hopeful. What it all comes down to is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine.
5. I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way.
6. I'm a little bit country. I'm a little bit rock n roll.
7. I want to scream. And shout. And let it all out.
8. I sing the body electric. I celebrate the me yet to come.
9. I'm through accepting limits, 'cause someone says they're so. Some things I cannot change, but 'til I try I'll never know. 
10. I believe the children are the future.
11. I like to eat apples and bananas.

Um, I might have plagiarized a little there. Sorry about that, but why would you think I wanted to talk about myself, anyway? Sheesh.

QUESTIONS Asked By Autism and Oughtisms (and I'm leaving her kiwi spelling in because it's just so adorable):

1. Why did you start blogging? I've been a writer since I was seven years old (I'm sure my journal entries were compelling)...writing is cathartic. I don't have time to write a book, so blogging is the perfect venue for now. Through my blog, I can explore, learn, connect, commiserate and celebrate. I can barely draw a stick figure nor do I build things; writing is my outlet.
2. What’s your favourite piece of art? My pillow.
3. What’s your favourite scent? My pillow.
4. Who inspires you? My children, my husband, my parents, my siblings, you...and these people:
5. Name one major event that shaped who you are today. Skip. (Don't I get a skip? Fine, see any blog post.)
6. What one super-power would you choose and why? This one's easy. I want to be able to pause time, like that guy in Heroes. So many possibilities. I'd nap. Shower. Never be late to anything (just stop everyone else and weave through traffic). KILL at Scramble with Friends. Fit in all the kids' therapies. (Or check out this extensive list of My Superpowers.)
7. What pets do you have? An old, lazy dog. 
8. What’s your favourite plant? I can't really embrace plants; I already have enough creatures in my house to keep alive. Can I pick a tree? Weeping Willows. It just feels like they are full of stories, and they are so peaceful to watch swaying in the breeze.
9. What event in nature takes your breath away? I could stare at the ocean for hours.
10. What was your favourite subject at school? Literature, of course. In college, it was my Reporting class. It was required for my major, but also legendary for dropping GPAs. Sometimes, NOBODY in the entire course got an A. Oh, how I loved that A...and that class. It combined all the things that drive me: writing, learning about people and things, deadlines, storytelling and exploring issues from all angles.
11. What countries have you visited? Not enough. Tried to go to Holland once (bad autism joke...but I think I really would love to go to Holland someday.)

MY QUESTIONS for my award recipients...and may I suggest you take your assignment more seriously than I did:

1. Which of your own blog posts is your absolute favorite? Explain why and link please.

2. What song makes you perk up every time you hear it? 

3. What book are you reading now (or what's the last book you can remember reading)?

4. List three words that describe your life.

5. What's your favorite app?

6. What keeps you up at night?

7. What was your first job?

8. What's for dinner?

9. What would you love to learn if you had the time?

10. Which holiday do you love the most?

11. Are you sorry I tagged you?

PASS IT ON
SURPRISE!  There are so many amazing bloggers out there, so I've gone with the rule of 11. (Autism and Oughtisms also listed some of my besties, so check them out!)

I now bestow the Liebster Award to these blogs because: I love reading them and you will too; I believe they haven't been tagged recently; and I think they fit the criteria of under 200 subscribers (although they each deserve way more). If I'm wrong, sorry and congrats on your success!

• Living on the Spectrum: The Connor Chronicles
• Mostly True Stuff
• My So-Called High Functioning Life
• Military Special Needs Network
• Going Insane, Wanna Come
• The Third Glance
• Fractured Family Tales
• Mindful Meerkats
• Painting With Picasso
• Fasten Her Seatbelt
• Blowing Kisses and Making Wishes
• Punky Mama

Oops. Actually, I think that's 12, but I'm not bothering to recount. Or choose. So you get a bonus blog...you're welcome!
There. Nailed it! Next award, please. 

My 10 Superpowers: Monday Listicle

I'm not the most prolific blogger, but I assure you I am way more prolific than I should be. For example, right now, I should be checking off numbers 3, 5 and 42 on my seemingly stagnant "to do" list. (Seriously. It's like the Dead Sea Scrolls!)

Still, I've over-committed my fake, blogging self this week (now mirroring my real, live self every week). So, I am going to stagger these posts a little...thus explaining why you are seeing my Monday post as early as Saturday. (If you're reading this on Thursday, kindly disregard everything I just said and PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!)

So today, I present my first "Monday" Listicle. See, bloggers like to play these little games. I guess sitting alone with a keyboard for too long makes the loonies even loonier. But it's true that these memes, linkups and series present fun opportunities to challenge each other creatively, connect with new blogs and get to know the wizards behind the curtain a little better.

They also inspire a little friendly competition - whether it be for votes, clicks, comments or blogger love. (Come on, which of you bloggers isn't drooling to hear: "Your meme was the absolute, most brilliant, smartest and funniest EVER!" No? Liar!)

Anyway, I've decided to jump into a few this week ("Hey Girl"...um, no not that one - yet - but it is awesome so do check out the Special Needs Ryan Gosling Meme over at Adventures in Extreme Parenthood.).

I present you my very first Monday Listicle. 
Here's how it works. Each week, someone puts out a list idea and then you just go with it. And of course we all linky up to each other to share and share alike. It's fun to see so many perspectives on the same "assignment" and a great way to connect with other bloggers. Remember, the linkup for this series will only be active beginning Monday.

This week's topic: List 10 things you really like about yourself, things you are good at, your superpowers!

1. Telepathy. At least with my kids. That's right. I kind of can read their minds. Especially with my daughter with autism. I can look around the room and know instantly what she plans to upturn, eat, steal and destroy. Unfortunately, my telepathic sense appears to work one-way only. My kids have absolutely NO IDEA what I'm thinking...even when I say it out loud.


2. Meeting deadlines. But only drop-dead, final, this-is-your-last-chance deadlines. I'm good at those.


3. Talking fast.  Not as in smarmy fast, but speed-wise. This is helpful at doctor's appointments, and the game Taboo. Sometimes, I get impatient when others don't talk/move/think as quickly as I. So you see, there's lots of irony in this. Someone up there was thinking: "You know what would be really funny? Let's give the mom with the least amount of patience those two kids who require the most amount of patience." Well played.


4. Googling. Sure, everyone can Google. But, trust me, no one can Google like I can. I am your Google Guru. If it's out there, I assure you, I will find it. I'm like the Lisbeth Salander of Google.


5. I'm a good speler. (Actually, I really am.) And I type supremely fast. What do I win?


6. Not being depressed. I know that doesn't sound like much of a superpower. And it's not really a choice for those struggling with clinical depression. But I do know what happens if I slow down and start thinking about my children's future. The spiral is tough to fight. Yes, I know "there are tulips" in Holland (this is an autism reference -  I'll try to post the "Welcome To Holland" piece sometime or you can always Google it), but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it 24/7. The day-to-day challenges of raising my children - any children - are hard enough, let alone dwelling on the "what ifs" and the "where will they bes". So yeah, I manage to get up, get dressed (on most days) and smile. In homage to one of my fave Twitter pal handles: where's my cape?


7. Finding a needle in a haystack. Or rather finding a lone sock in a laundry pile. Or the last remaining pair of girl's leggings in the house that's not filthy, holey or fuschia. Then again, I might not be so terrific at this. Not really sure, but I am LIGHTYEARS ahead of the other people living in this place.


8. My profession. I don't mention my "work" very much on this blog and I won't go into it here, but I'm pretty damn good at what I do...when I do it!


9. Sleeping. When I actually get the chance to sleep, it's the deepest of sleep you can sleep. I mean, literally, our burglar alarm will blast, sirens will blare, thunder and lightning will crash, and I don't even roll over. I find that sometimes it just gets incorporated into my dreams. I like to think that if my husband weren't around and the kids needed me or the house really was on fire, that I'd wake up. But sometimes I wonder. Maybe I'm just THAT good at sleeping!


10. This week's listicle allowed us to choose from two questions. Obviously the first question was about my superpowers...but I'm running out of ideas. So for #10, I'm going with the second question, which is this: You have 48 hours free of all responsibilities and unlimited cash, what would you do, places you’d go, etc. Easy. All the money is used for good. Let's cure diseases, support charities, and generally fix stuff. As for me, you'll find me sleeping in bajillion thread-count sheets with sweet kisses goodnight from my kiddos and a stack of books nearby.

What about you?

We Are Here: A Community Mobilizes To Help Its Own

A few months ago, I started writing my story in the form of this blog. I didn't know then and still do not know where it will lead me, but along the way I discovered a fulfilling, new community of friends. We live across America and across the globe, and we speak to each other daily in 140 characters or less.

Since most of us are connected as parents of children with special needs or even as inspiring adults on the spectrum, we have a bond of empathy and shared experience, so 140 characters is all we need (and we don't have much time for more).

When we have more to say, we often blog it. When I logged into Blogger for the first time, I had no idea - or maybe just didn't really care - that I was pretty much entering a foreign country with its own politics, language and monetary system (think likes, retweets, follows and sponsors instead of dollars and cents). However, perhaps because membership in this particular niche is so bittersweet, this community embraces newcomers warmly, even though they might need some TSL lessons first (Twitter as a second language).

The truth is that many of us feel more connected with this empathetic online community than we do IRL. So while I had no intention of taking on yet ANOTHER cause in my life beyond those living in my house, I am motivated to do what any good neighbor does - help in times of need. I also have adopted the group zeitgeist. One person's outrage becomes group outrage, and we all know that hell hath no fury like an online community scorned.

Today, I am sharing two important posts that have changed my worldview just a little bit. Both were generated by my fellow bloggers who know:

1. The stylus is mightier than the sword.
2. The world is a rough place - especially for those struggling to navigate it --but we've got each other's back.

Take a look:

When Teachers Are The Bullies: It's About Dignity
Please watch Akian's story. It's hard. You probably will cry. You will be outraged. It's what keeps me up at night. (Metaphorically, of course...we all know that I have two actual, crazy kids keeping me up at night. But this too!) Still, I implore you to watch. How is is possible that people like this are teaching children? It's about dignity!

Calling All Bloggers: To "I Wish I Didn't Have Aspergers" - An AutismPositivity2012 Flash Blog Event
Whether you believe you are a qualified participant in this Autism Positivity "Flash Blog" or not, take a moment to think about how you would respond to this person...or to any person who expresses that they wish they were someone else. To someone who must live with an unwelcome identity that they cannot change. I can't wait to read all of the wonderful blog posts next Monday. I have no idea yet what I will write, but I so badly want to do it. After all, one day this could be my child.


I hope and pray that Akian's family and the nameless Googler  -- as well as all those whom they inevitably represent -- find some comfort, support and camaraderie among this amazing community, just as I have.

Calling All Bloggers

Reprinted with permission from Autism Positivity

To "I Wish I Didn't Have Aspergers": An AutismPositivity2012 Flash Blog Event


A couple of weeks ago, someone somewhere googled “I Wish I Didn’t Have Aspergers”.  The phrase popped up in a blogging dashboard and struck the blogger as being particularly sad.  She wished she could have answered.

We don’t know who it was.  We don’t know where he/she lives.  We have no idea if he/she found what he/she was looking for in that search.

We do know that search directed that person to a blog.  We do know the searcher clicked on it in an attempt to find what they needed.  And we do know enough about the challenges of autism to know that person is likely not alone in that sentiment.

So, we got to thinking.  What would we say to that person?  What if it was a kid, desperately trying to make it through tough years of intolerance and ignorance?  What if it were a person who might never stumble across the amazing voices speaking for autism acceptance?  What if that person thought himself/herself all alone?  What would we say about the present?  What would we say about the future?  What would we say about happiness?  And hope?

Each of us in the autism community –- self-advocates, parent advocates, friends and family, teachers, health professionals—we would all have different messages for #IWishIDidn’tHaveAspergers.  But likely we would all try to send the message that there is a brighter future and that friendship and support are out there.
We are asking every blogger in the autism community to write a message of positivity to #IWishIDidntHaveAspergers.  So that next time that individual (or another) types that sad statement into Google, he or she will find what they need – support, wisdom, and messages of hope from those who understand.

And – for those of you who do not blog but wish to join in – please post your positivity message to http://autismpositivity.wordpress.com/ or send us an email at autismpositivity@gmail.com
Please join with us on the last day of Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month – April 30^th – in a flash blog of autism positivity.

To participate:

1. Publish your post on April 30^th in the following title format:  “[Your Blog] to ‘I Wish I Didn’t Have Aspergers: #AutismPositivity2012”.
2. Share your post on Twitter and Facebook, using that hashtag.
3. Add your link to the Autism Positivity website and grab the badge:
4. Share/reblog this message to your blog, page, etc.

This Autism Positivity Flash Blog Event is the brainchild of Thinking About Perspectives, a group of bloggers committed to increasing autism awareness and acceptance via open and respectful dialogue.  We are:  30 Days of Autism, Outrunning the Storm, The Third Glance, Aspie Kid, Flappiness Is, Quirky and Laughing, Life on the Spectrum, Fairy Tale Forgotten, The Aspie Side of Life, and Inner Aspie.

My Secret Identity

I’m not shy. In fact, on the surface I’m probably guilty of too much blabbing and oversharing. (Duh – I have a personal blog, right?)

On certain topics, I’ll gladly pull my soapbox out of my back pocket anytime…and probably forget to pack it back up soon enough. This was both my strength and weakness in corporate politics, depending on the integrity and ego of the room.

However, at the same time, I deeply value my privacy and family walls. Thus, the decision to write anonymously came quite easily.

As I thought about what I hoped to share on this blog, I knew that I would self-censor way too much if our crazies were out there as a peep show for personal, business and community acquaintances. I would worry about hurting someone’s feelings or unintentionally harming important relationships – either present or future. Not only would it hurt my brain to have to think through the reactions of specific readers to everything I post, it probably would result in some incredibly boring writing.  Nobody wants that!

Still, I have recently shared my secret identity and URL with a few close friends and family members…and some have encouraged me to go public. They think I’d benefit from talking more about my story. I appreciate the sentiment, guys, but NO THANK YOU.

You see, I am quite fortunate to have a close network of special needs moms with whom I can laugh, cry and share ideas. I have discovered another wonderful, close-knit community of like-minded, special needs parents on Twitter – even though they don’t even know my real name. If you know someone newly diagnosed or have ideas to share, by all means, here’s my phone number. And as for helping others and teaching tolerance and inclusion: Trust me, this family can’t go out in public without spreading “awareness.”

I really don’t think I could take the extra “support,” judgment and sympathy that would result from acquaintances knowing our baggage. I mean what would you say to me after a particularly ridiculous post? Or if you know you’re guilty of 8 of the Top 10 Things Not To Say To a Special Needs Mom? Awkward! I would rather not put any of us in that situation.

A few other considerations:

• My children’s safety. Creepy people are out there, and my children are vulnerable and DAMN cute. I’m not going to make any introductions!
• Their right to privacy. The internet does not have a delete or rewind button. I certainly can overshare myself if I choose to do so, but what if a future employer or a friend’s parent Googles my kids? Is it really fair to them to have all this out there for others to prejudge them? Or avoid them because they have a wackjob mother?
• This is kind of like my diary. Have you published yours? Of course not. You put a padlock on it and later shredded it. Right?

If you still have counterpoints for everything above, that’s fair. But here’s something that is non-negotiable. My son is 11. He knows how to use a computer. And he knows his mother is a writer. Not only does the thought of him stumbling upon and reading this make me wince, cringe and hide, but he has specifically asked me NOT to write about him.

A couple of years ago, he looked over my shoulder and caught a Facebook status update I’d written with his name in it…documenting some cutesy thing he said (probably elicited Aws from half of my “friends” and eye-rolls from the others). My son was horrified.

It objectively wasn’t anything particularly embarrassing but, to him, I was Kitty Kelley. He begged me never to write about him again, and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t forgiven me for it. Two years later, he can still quote the status update AND says he hates Facebook and thinks it’s absolutely ridiculous to share things like that with others (smart kid).

So please don’t tell him I told you that story.

And if you do know who I am, you are part of the secret circle of witness protection. I’ll fundraise and advocate for autism awareness. I’ll openly discuss doctors, therapies, schools and diagnoses with strangers in waiting rooms. I am not ashamed of who we are. But for now, I cannot publish my byline on something this personal and permanent.

Thank you for understanding and respecting My Whac-A-Mole Life.

My Blog Has a Fancy, New Design...But All I Got Was This Lousy Post

I've been MIA for a couple of weeks, and it's a shame because my blog has never looked better. I am loving the new design, and I hope you like it too. I guess what this means is that I've decided to commit to this blogging thing for awhile so I hope you’ll stick around.

For me, blogging makes sense. Since I was 7 and throughout my career as a professional writer, people have asked me if I was planning to write a book. As much as I love to write and tell stories, I usually stick to non-fiction. I've never felt the stirrings of the great American novel, and my descendants won't enjoy the bounties of a dusty manuscript discovered in a locked, desk drawer and published posthumously. I can posit, however, that my subject - or rather two of them - finally did find me, and provide enough fodder for a prolific (I'm talking Patricia Cornwell) series.

That said, I do not suffer from writer's block. I've got loads of post ideas all over the place – some partially written, some already committed (working on it @jillsmo) and some hanging on a dwindling brain cell thread (not likely to be remembered long enough to see the light of day). See, in addition to my cathartic need to write and not-always-pleasant experience churning out words under tight deadlines, I do have a funny-crazy life with lots of musings, opinions and anecdotes that probably will, in turn, make you laugh, cry and consider committing me.

So, you ask, if I have so much to say and no writer's block, why the hell don't I share all this brilliance more frequently? It's because I suffer from a lesser known blogger's malady known as “time block.” I have about 4 hours a day to do it all: work, clean, shop, shower...you know the drill. Otherwise, I am driving to and from schools inconveniently located 25 miles apart (how dumb am I?) or home, but unable to move my eyeballs off of my children for fear of a number of ludicrous but realistic scenarios and disasters.

Quiet and Time are my holy grail. That why I was so pleased a couple of weeks ago when I finally completed an absolutely delightful post (trust me) to complement this delightful new design. Now, as a master multitasker and closet tech geek, I manage this blog across several electronic devices and a number of blog editing apps. So after completing this Pulitzer-worthy post (guess you'll just have to take my word for it) on my laptop, I planned to cross the final metaphoric 't' on a mobile app while waiting in carpool line. Big mistake. Huge.  Instead, I somehow deleted the whole, darn mess.

I've recovered posts before through some Google subterfuge, but not this one. All gone. And THAT’S why I haven’t had the heart to revisit or rewrite anything since. And I still haven’t. You’re stuck with this ridiculous dear-diary-mumbo-jumbo instead. Sorry.

To make it worth your while, I am going to introduce a new series here on My Whac-A-Mole Life later today. See, you get two posts for the price of one. Because, while one with Time Block cannot fathom writing (or reading) the great American novel, I do have plenty of stories to tell. Oh yes, you just wait!

Oh, and thanks for hanging out with me. Let me know what you think of the new look and the ongoing evolution of My Whac-A-Mole Life.

xoxo, Gossip Girl

(Oops. I had to get that out of my system. I won't do it again. Promise.)