We Are Here: A Community Mobilizes To Help Its Own

A few months ago, I started writing my story in the form of this blog. I didn't know then and still do not know where it will lead me, but along the way I discovered a fulfilling, new community of friends. We live across America and across the globe, and we speak to each other daily in 140 characters or less.

Since most of us are connected as parents of children with special needs or even as inspiring adults on the spectrum, we have a bond of empathy and shared experience, so 140 characters is all we need (and we don't have much time for more).

When we have more to say, we often blog it. When I logged into Blogger for the first time, I had no idea - or maybe just didn't really care - that I was pretty much entering a foreign country with its own politics, language and monetary system (think likes, retweets, follows and sponsors instead of dollars and cents). However, perhaps because membership in this particular niche is so bittersweet, this community embraces newcomers warmly, even though they might need some TSL lessons first (Twitter as a second language).

The truth is that many of us feel more connected with this empathetic online community than we do IRL. So while I had no intention of taking on yet ANOTHER cause in my life beyond those living in my house, I am motivated to do what any good neighbor does - help in times of need. I also have adopted the group zeitgeist. One person's outrage becomes group outrage, and we all know that hell hath no fury like an online community scorned.

Today, I am sharing two important posts that have changed my worldview just a little bit. Both were generated by my fellow bloggers who know:

1. The stylus is mightier than the sword.
2. The world is a rough place - especially for those struggling to navigate it --but we've got each other's back.

Take a look:

When Teachers Are The Bullies: It's About Dignity
Please watch Akian's story. It's hard. You probably will cry. You will be outraged. It's what keeps me up at night. (Metaphorically, of course...we all know that I have two actual, crazy kids keeping me up at night. But this too!) Still, I implore you to watch. How is is possible that people like this are teaching children? It's about dignity!

Calling All Bloggers: To "I Wish I Didn't Have Aspergers" - An AutismPositivity2012 Flash Blog Event
Whether you believe you are a qualified participant in this Autism Positivity "Flash Blog" or not, take a moment to think about how you would respond to this person...or to any person who expresses that they wish they were someone else. To someone who must live with an unwelcome identity that they cannot change. I can't wait to read all of the wonderful blog posts next Monday. I have no idea yet what I will write, but I so badly want to do it. After all, one day this could be my child.


I hope and pray that Akian's family and the nameless Googler  -- as well as all those whom they inevitably represent -- find some comfort, support and camaraderie among this amazing community, just as I have.

When Teachers Are The Bullies: It's About Dignity

Originally posted on Yeah. Good Times. Republished on My Whac-A-Mole Life with permission.

Note from Jill Smo: Feel free to reprint this post anywhere you like, just please include the links to the sites I have at the bottom. I don't need to be credited for it, but Stuart does. 


Outrage for Akian: It's About Dignity
I know I said I was tired of talking about autism, but this is something I just can't stay quiet about. 

I've spent a lot of time here talking about how one of the most frustrating things about autism, for me, is that when Child 1 is upset, he has so much trouble telling me why, that oftentimes I just won't ever know. When he comes home from school upset, which luckily doesn't happen often, I will do anything and everything to try to find out why. Can you imagine if your sweet and happy autistic child started getting aggressive at school for no reason, how much you would try to find out why? Do you know the lengths you would go to for your child? I would do whatever it took, I can tell you that. Whatever it took.

I saw a video today, posted on reddit. It was of a father whose sweet and happy autistic child, exactly Child 1's age, suddenly started getting aggressive and violent at school and he had no idea why. They had IEP meetings, they met with a Behaviorist, he worked the system just like he was "supposed to," for 6 months. But when he got nowhere, he played a hunch, put a wire on his kid and sent him to school to record what happened there.

It turned out that his son, Akian, was being verbally abused by his teacher and aide in his classroom. I'm posting the video below, but I have to warn you that it is VERY upsetting. I had a hard time getting through it all, but I will sum it up for you.

It's mostly Akian's dad, Stuart, describing what happened, and you also hear some of the recording of the horrible things those people say to him.

They called him a bastard. These adults, whose job was to protect and help and teach children... they laughed at him, made fun of him and called him a bastard.  I'm horrified by this.

Stuart turned his recording over to the school district, and also the media. An aide was fired but the teacher was not. The school district has said that it has handled the matter appropriately and apparently they think the matter is closed.

Stuart doesn't think the matter is closed. In the video he says directly to the adults involved: "I want a public apology for what you did to my son. I want your full name out. I want you to come forward. I want you to take responsibility for what you do and then I want you to resign.... Not for me, but so one day I can play this video back for my son and say, 'Akian, you didn't deserve anything that happened to you. These people are at fault.' I'm not looking to sue anybody. I'm not going to file a lawsuit. It's not about money. It's about dignity. This is to reclaim my son's dignity. You owe it to him."

Let's help him get the word out. Below the video I'm posting some links where you can get more information. 


***Note from My Whac-A-Mole Life: To really experience this video, you actually have to watch it. There are subtitles and captions that you will miss if you are just listening.

• No More Teacher/Bullies A webpage set up to explain the video and the situation
• No More Teacher/Bullies on Facebook
• Stuart's email address

I'm turning off commenting for this post, because this isn't about me. Also, I want to be clear, and Stuart was clear in  the interview that he did for his local Fox affiliate, that this isn't about the 99% of teachers who are great at what they do, this is about the 1% that aren't, and I don't want this to turn into a discussion about education reform and teacher unions or any of that bullshit. If you want to comment on the video, get more information or give Stuart your support, please go to the Facebook page and do it there.

Calling All Bloggers

Reprinted with permission from Autism Positivity

To "I Wish I Didn't Have Aspergers": An AutismPositivity2012 Flash Blog Event


A couple of weeks ago, someone somewhere googled “I Wish I Didn’t Have Aspergers”.  The phrase popped up in a blogging dashboard and struck the blogger as being particularly sad.  She wished she could have answered.

We don’t know who it was.  We don’t know where he/she lives.  We have no idea if he/she found what he/she was looking for in that search.

We do know that search directed that person to a blog.  We do know the searcher clicked on it in an attempt to find what they needed.  And we do know enough about the challenges of autism to know that person is likely not alone in that sentiment.

So, we got to thinking.  What would we say to that person?  What if it was a kid, desperately trying to make it through tough years of intolerance and ignorance?  What if it were a person who might never stumble across the amazing voices speaking for autism acceptance?  What if that person thought himself/herself all alone?  What would we say about the present?  What would we say about the future?  What would we say about happiness?  And hope?

Each of us in the autism community –- self-advocates, parent advocates, friends and family, teachers, health professionals—we would all have different messages for #IWishIDidn’tHaveAspergers.  But likely we would all try to send the message that there is a brighter future and that friendship and support are out there.
We are asking every blogger in the autism community to write a message of positivity to #IWishIDidntHaveAspergers.  So that next time that individual (or another) types that sad statement into Google, he or she will find what they need – support, wisdom, and messages of hope from those who understand.

And – for those of you who do not blog but wish to join in – please post your positivity message to http://autismpositivity.wordpress.com/ or send us an email at autismpositivity@gmail.com
Please join with us on the last day of Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month – April 30^th – in a flash blog of autism positivity.

To participate:

1. Publish your post on April 30^th in the following title format:  “[Your Blog] to ‘I Wish I Didn’t Have Aspergers: #AutismPositivity2012”.
2. Share your post on Twitter and Facebook, using that hashtag.
3. Add your link to the Autism Positivity website and grab the badge:
4. Share/reblog this message to your blog, page, etc.

This Autism Positivity Flash Blog Event is the brainchild of Thinking About Perspectives, a group of bloggers committed to increasing autism awareness and acceptance via open and respectful dialogue.  We are:  30 Days of Autism, Outrunning the Storm, The Third Glance, Aspie Kid, Flappiness Is, Quirky and Laughing, Life on the Spectrum, Fairy Tale Forgotten, The Aspie Side of Life, and Inner Aspie.

All Kids Do That: Obsessions

I'm willing to bet that even if your kid's issues aren't as screwed up complex as mine, you've heard this phrase before: "Oh, all kids do that."

I know it's meant to be comforting. But to an anxious parent - who has bravely put their worst fears out there - I posit that it instills reassurance maybe 1-3 percent of the time.

The other 97-99 percent of the time, it likely does the opposite. It can belittle, demean and certainly invalidate a parent's instincts.

My child's speech seems to be regressing!

"Oh, all kids do that. As one skill develops, others might go under the radar. Give it some time."

My child is waking up at night with an excruciating headache.

"Oh, all kids do that. He's probably having nightmares. Or allergies. Give it some time."

Wrong and wrong. 

Today, I'm sitting at the cool kid's table doing my first guest post. Hooray! Jill Smo conceived this awesome "All Kids Do That" series on her snarky, very real blog "Yeah. Good Times."

Head over there to check out her pad, the brilliant "All Kids do That" series, and my very first, bloggy guest post. See you there!

All Kids Do That: Obsessions