My Whac-A-Mole Life: The -INATORS

Whatchadoin?

We're watching a lot of Phineas and Ferb this summer. I'm not complaining (much) since it's scads better than our Month of Teletubbies; or the Decade of Dora; or our Year of "Here Come The 123s" (which started out just fine but, wow, it got tiresome after a few months).

So, for those of you not familiar with our little Disney Channel friends, here's what you need to know. Phineas and Ferb are clever little inventors trying to keep busy during their 104 days of summer vacation. Perry, their pet platypus, is Secret Agent P - deployed by the O.W.C.A. (Organization Without a Cool Acronym) - to thwart Mad Scientist Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz (of Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc.).

Now, in each episode, Doofenshmirtz conceives of a scheme or invention, usually dubbed something-"Inator", which is intended to help him take over America's Tri-State area (not the world, mind you, because he's not greedy).

The expert folks over at the Phineas and Ferb Wiki (yup) describe the -inators as "typically grandiose in scope, involving a complicated solution instead of applying a simpler, more practical method. The motivation behind their development is typically a need to exact revenge for an unpleasant incident in his life, or to resolve a situation that annoys him." Naturally, something always goes wrong, and no, it wouldn't have anything to do with the built-in, self-destruct buttons.

In homage to our Summer of Phineas and Ferb, I, and some bloggy, autism-parent friends, have brainstormed some INATORS that we think would help us dominate our own homes. That's right, just our very own homes. Are we asking too much? Yes. Yes we are.

Household Helpers

Lunch-Make-Inator automatically assembles lunches with the designated number of chicken nuggets (counted meticulously); packed with the correct juice flavor of the day and switched out instantly (regardless of what's in the fridge) when minds are changed; and placed without fail into the RIGHT kid's backpack.
Lego-Disappear-Clean-Up-Inator --Patty Porch-Hooper, Pancakes Gone Awry
Door-Lock-Inator makes gates, locks and alarms magically appear to block access to all things dangerous, fragile or off-limits.
De-Shitify-The-House-Inator --Tim, Both Hands and a Flashlight
Wife-Inator (because I need a wife to help with appointments, paperwork and household tasks.) --Amanda Griffiths, Confessions From HouseholdSix

Sanity Savers

It's-4-O'Clock-Somewhere-Inator makes the perfect adult beverage --Kelly Hafer, Unplanned Trip To Holland
Screaming-Kid-In-Car-So-Let-Me-In-Your-Lane-Jerk-Inator clears the path instantly
Spit-It-Out-Inator (aka the Not-For-Mouth-Inator) --Jennie B., Anybody Want a Peanut?
Divide-The-Parking-Lot-Like-the-Red-Sea-Inator keeps kids safe whether they meander, bump, or tantrum in a heap on the ground
Change-The-Song-Inator instantly changes whatever theme song/toy jingle/etc. to something tolerable. --Jennie B., Anybody Want a Peanut?
Sleep-Inject-Inator --Tim, Both Hands and a Flashlight
aka Fast-Asleep-Inator --Flannery, The Connor Chronicles
Caffeine-Inator to quickly give tired parents a jolt--Alysia, Try Defying Gravity
De-Script-Inator to stop the endless loop --Flannery, The Connor Chronicles
aka Echolalia-Inator which stops the incessant repetition for a few moments. --Patty Porch-Hooper, Pancakes Gone Awry
Calm-Inator -Jennie B., Anybody Want a Peanut?
Groom-Inator (for instant cleaning of teeth, nails, etc) -- Jennie B., Anybody Want a Peanut?
Sniff-Inator (Alex has been sniffing things) --Lizbeth Cole, Four Sea Stars
Mom-Inator - they already did this episode, but clone me so I can be in three places at once. --Alysia, Try Defying Gravity
Monopoly-Inator to make it go away for me --Lizbeth Cole, Four Sea Stars (Lizbeth's son is OBSESSED with beating his mother at Monopoly)
I-Thing-Duplicator (or Special-Interest-Maker) for those times when just one won't do. --Lizbeth Cole, Four Sea Stars (*Lizbeth failed to follow the "inator" rule of this game, but we'll let it go because, well, it's Lizbeth.)
Squishy-Hug-Inator for those needing deep pressure --Alysia, Try Defying Gravity
Thanks-For-Sharing-Captain-Obvious-Inator because Ted constantly tells us the obvious --Kelly Hafer, Unplanned Trip To Holland
Answer-Question-Inator provides the exact answer Jacob expects to hear when he asks his questions over and over again --Varda (SquashedMom), The Squashed Bologna
Fairy-Godmother-Inator to make all his impossible wishes come true --I'm Looking For Blue Sky
Poop-Goes-In-The-Pot-Inator to instantly render Ted potty trained --Kelly Hafer, Unplanned Trip To Holland

Educate and Advocate Assistants

Stop-Staring-It's-Autism-What's-Your-Problem-Elim-Inator
Aware-Inator that spreads awareness and acceptance all over the Tri-State area. This one does not have a self-destruct button! --Alysia, Try Defying Gravity
IEP-Inator/Due-Process-Inator/Services-Inator --Patty Porch-Hooper, Pancakes Gone Awry
Fill-Out-All-These-Effing-Forms-Inator --Tim, Both Hands and a Flashlight
Talk-To-The-Hand-Inator for people offering stupid advice --Tim, Both Hands and a Flashlight