You know, those times when something comes out of your mouth with your super-serious parent voice and you suddenly realize how absurd you sound? (It was warranted, trust me, you just had to be there.) Yep, those. Oh, but I did modify the assignment a bit:- First, I enlisted the help of some friends - because think of how great it turned out when we collaborated on our list of -INATORS. (Plus, I didn't have to write it all myself.)
- I narrowed the focus: Welcome to the AUTISM EDITION.
- I didn't stop at 10. You're welcome.
SENSORY EXPLORATION (where licking emerged as a common theme)
- Please stop licking the dog. - Living on the Spectrum: The Connor Chronicles
- Do not eat your sister's homework. - Just a Lil Blog
- I know you like to play in water, but please, get your arm out of the toilet. - Glass Half Full
- You don't get to hug me when you are naked. You have to get dressed first, THEN I will hug you. - Unplanned Trip to Holland
- You may not lick all the Doritos and put them back in the bag. - Flappiness Is
- Stop squishing your brother. If you need a squish, come hug me. - Try Defying Gravity
- No signing with scissors!
- Oh, I see you are using a stick as a paintbrush, to paint your poo on the side of mummy's car. - The Tumultuous Truth
- Shaving cream is not for mouth. Play-doh is not for mouth. Cotton balls are not for mouth. - Anybody Want a Peanut?
- Great job trying that piece of steak without gagging and puking! - Try Defying Gravity
- You may look at the dog's private parts, but we do not touch them.
MANAGING STIMS AND OBSESSIONS
- We're late for school, we don't have time to say goodbye to every single roly poly bug on the driveway. - Living on the Spectrum: The Connor Chronicles
- Can you both please hum the same song? - Confessions From Household Six
- I'm sorry, you may not go inside the doctor's office for shots today, but you can wave when we drive by.
- Can you please whisper about elevators in the other room? Yeah. Good Times.
- You can stim, but you need to do it a little more quietly while your brother is doing homework. - Try Defying Gravity
- Fine, smell my hair, but be gentle...it's not a scratch-and-sniff.
- I have no idea if it rained on Thursday February 18th, 2010. Yeah. Good Times.
- You can sift through the tan bark after you finish your lunch.- Into the Woods, Living Deliberately
- No, I will not call UPS so you can get a box. - Confessions From Household Six
RIGIDITY (with compassion for Glass Half Full)
- I'm sorry I put your milk on the right side of your plate instead of the left. Stop screaming at me. - Glass Half Full
- I'm sorry I didn't put your socks on at the same exact moment you wanted them on. Stop screaming at me. - Glass Half Full
- I know you hate people, sweetheart. I hate them too, but they have to be dealt with. - Pancakes Gone Awry
- I know you hate utensils, but you can't throw forks across your classroom. It's just not safe! - Glass Half Full
- I don't care that you think it's stupid, you have to do it, anyway. Life is full of stupid things. Get used to it. -- Woulda Shoulda Coulda
- Who ate all the bottoms out of the bag of hamburger buns? - Yeah. Good Times.
FROM OUR FACEBOOK PAGE:
- Lisa Ruddy 'Are you going to wear a black vest, white boxer shorts and black socks today or a white vest, black boxer shorts and white socks today? What colour day is it?'
- The Special Guide "Sweetie pie, don't walk on the kitchen counters." Actually, we only say this when we have outsiders over our house - to pretend like we're outraged and that we don't allow that sort of behavior. Ordinarily, we just let it go.
- Lisa Ruddy 'I know, I know that there are huge mistakes in Jurassic Park 3 and the Spinosaurus is misrepresented but son, I have no idea how to email the director at this time of night'
- Patty Porch Hooper "Quit peeling your sister's face with the potato peeler!" "Quit licking me" "No smelling your brother's butt."
Thank you to all of these contributors. Got some good ones of your own? We wanna see! Please comment and share below.
***For more autism parent humor (is that a thing?), check out: You Might Be An Autism Parent If...
