I remain Mommy on the Run, following her unpredictable lead and trying to channel her enthusiastic energy safely and "appropriately." For example, while I respect and support her interest in teeth, I cannot allow her to put her hands in others' mouths. That's a social confine that - no matter how "neuro-diverse friendly" you are - simply will not bend.
***
This new pattern of damage is of a different variety than her earlier destruction. She's listening! She's engaged! She's trying to be helpful! She's imitating mommy and daddy!
***Footnote: Instead, of touching strangers' teeth, she spends hours on her iPad watching and playing dentistry and medical-related media. We "wave" at every dentist and orthodontist office that we pass. She loves to play on http://mydoctorgames.com. Hey, it's better than her phlebotomy phase, for sure!
I've noticed a shift, however. A pattern that - in my completely non-expert opinion - signals marked improvement in her understanding and engagement in our world.
In the past, an hour with my sweet, Tasmanian Devil might result in random acts of destruction aimed at furniture, kitchens, walls, cars and so on. Turn your head for a second, and you might be fishing her or her iPad out of the toilet. Theorists advise that every action really is a form of communication - especially since she's largely nonverbal - but translating some of these doozies was nearly impossible...except to acknowledge that she was frustrated (and so was I).
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| With appreciation for Sunday Stilwell http://www.autismwashere.com |
Moreover, I will not discount my daughter's proclivity for mischief. Even without the big A, she no doubt would be a charming rule-breaker. So, as you can imagine, my extreme-helicoptering was required simply to keep the house in one piece.
Lately, while things are still getting broken and such, I can see some clear rationale to her actions. It's no longer me muttering to myself that she must be bored, frustrated or sensory-deprived.
See, we've loosened the metaphorical leash - just a bit. We recognize that she knows more than ever when she's doing something inappropriate. She'll probably still do it, but I have fair warning since she'll give me that sneaky smile before dashing off. So her actions are closer to the the "all kids do that" behaviors you might read about in "What to Expect" articles. So most days, while she requires infinitely more supervision and direction than your "average" eight year old, she's able to at least spend a few minutes independently - in the bathroom, reading something, watching something, or YouTubing (as long as I listen closely for sounds of bloody surgical segments, that usually are accompanied by her giggles and a gleeful, "ewwww").
See, we've loosened the metaphorical leash - just a bit. We recognize that she knows more than ever when she's doing something inappropriate. She'll probably still do it, but I have fair warning since she'll give me that sneaky smile before dashing off. So her actions are closer to the the "all kids do that" behaviors you might read about in "What to Expect" articles. So most days, while she requires infinitely more supervision and direction than your "average" eight year old, she's able to at least spend a few minutes independently - in the bathroom, reading something, watching something, or YouTubing (as long as I listen closely for sounds of bloody surgical segments, that usually are accompanied by her giggles and a gleeful, "ewwww").
Recently, during a moment of freedom, she raced upstairs and grabbed her father's electric razor. It occurred to me afterwards that we were talking about shaving (probably me wondering when I last shaved my legs). Another time, we instructed our son to go brush his teeth, and I soon found her in the bathroom, squeezing a tube of toothpaste all over my toothbrush.
My laptop's monitor is shattered because of her interest in using MY computer, rather than her very own iPad.
Here's a good one. She drew on our inside window curtains recently, something that might elicit shock from some parents (clearly not autism families). But that's not even the significant part. What's interesting is that it was not a childish drawing. She'd outlined her desired plans for the day in a simple list form ("doctor" included), much like on a whiteboard.
My laptop's monitor is shattered because of her interest in using MY computer, rather than her very own iPad.
Here's a good one. She drew on our inside window curtains recently, something that might elicit shock from some parents (clearly not autism families). But that's not even the significant part. What's interesting is that it was not a childish drawing. She'd outlined her desired plans for the day in a simple list form ("doctor" included), much like on a whiteboard.
Then this happened. I've been spending a lot of time at the eye doctor lately...my aging eyes are rejecting my beloved gas-permeable lenses of 30 years and I'm trying to switch over to soft. "Putting my contacts in" has become a process instead of the usual pop in/pop out. Yesterday, when I went to put them in, I found one missing and one dried out from exposure. I'm not sure whether she was attempting to clean them, wear them, or "help" me, but I suspect it was soon after a mention of said lenses.
This new pattern of damage is of a different variety than her earlier destruction. She's listening! She's engaged! She's trying to be helpful! She's imitating mommy and daddy!
Now I might have mentioned before that one of the best things ever taught to my daughter was mimicry (see Do Children With Autism Lack an Ability to Imitate?). I am not trying to make her into a robot; she simply must learn how to learn. It's critical that she knows how to copy vocal sounds (PROMPT has been so helpful), gestures (to nod yes or no), and actions (brushing teeth). There's a lot of research out there about mimicry as a communication foundation.
So my epiphany here is that while I'm still Mommy on the Run (or Mommy with the Hoarse Voice from yelling and repeating myself), the destruction is different these days...encouraging even. She's interacting with our world...in the now! She's communicating by participating.
The is the kind of damage I completely welcome from her. The frustration, inconvenience, cost and toll of my daughter's destructive activities can be attributed to collateral damage: an unwanted but necessary byproduct of a greater strategy.
The is the kind of damage I completely welcome from her. The frustration, inconvenience, cost and toll of my daughter's destructive activities can be attributed to collateral damage: an unwanted but necessary byproduct of a greater strategy.
***Footnote: Instead, of touching strangers' teeth, she spends hours on her iPad watching and playing dentistry and medical-related media. We "wave" at every dentist and orthodontist office that we pass. She loves to play on http://mydoctorgames.com. Hey, it's better than her phlebotomy phase, for sure!
